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Blog - Kristine Nordahl | Relationship, Addiction, Grief and Anxiety Counselling | Vancouver, BC


Posts tagged with heartbreak

Trying To Get Over An Ex?

In a world where we have become accustomed to instant results, being told that getting over a relationship “takes time” is not always readily accepted; especially if our feelings are interfering with work, social outings, and/or child rearing. The fact of the matter is breakups hurt, because it represents the loss of future hopes and dreams. When we lose someone who is important to us, what we experience is profound grief, stress and disappointment, not to mention uncertainty about your own future. A few things you can do to help the time move a little easier:

  1. Cry. As simple as it sounds, crying until you can no longer breathe, your face is red, and you have no Kleenex left, feels good because you are releasing. Do this sooner rather than later, and never assume you are done crying, because just when you think you are done, you will hear a song, see an advertisement, or drive by a restaurant that reminds you of your ex and you will cry all over again. It’s okay, don’t fight these feelings, because if you do you only prolong the grief. Let it all out now.

  2. Talk to someone. Whether it is friends or family, talking it out with someone you trust and who will support you will make you feel less alone. Pretty much everyone has been in this boat before and can relate. If you truly have no one to talk to, journaling can be a great outlet to express your feelings, or if writing is not your thing, you may want to consider contacting a counsellor.

  3. Give yourself a time limit to grieve to prevent yourself from getting stuck on these hurtful feelings. Time limits differ from person to person, but there are theories that giving yourself approximately half the length of time of the relationship as an appropriate time to wallow (for example, if your relationship lasted a year, then give yourself six months to grieve). This may or may not work for you, but keep in mind, as time goes on you will have good days and bad days, and as long as the good days gradually outnumber the bad days, you are doing well. Don’t lose sight that moving on from this is the end goal.

  4. End “stalking” behaviour, such as checking your ex’s Facebook. It may seem harmless, but this is not the case, as any sign that your ex is moving on before you are ready to hear it will set you back. You don’t have to de-friend your ex, but block their profile on all communication networks to avoid this torture.

  5. Recall all the bad times rather than reminiscing about the good times, and don’t lie to yourself...there were bad times. No one is perfect and by remembering how those bad times made you feel in the moment will help you realize that you would not want to be with someone who was capable of making you feel bad for the rest of your life – you would be miserable!

  6. Appreciate yourself and stop beating yourself up. Just because you were rejected by someone you wanted love from, it does not mean you are not loveable or deserving of moving on and finding love elsewhere and with someone who will love and accept you for who you are. Wanting something better will give you hope for the future, and faith in finding a great romantic match will help get you through these tough times.

If you feel like you have tried all these things and are still struggling with the grief of getting over a romantic relationship that ended, you might want to consider seeking out professional help via a counselor. It is not uncommon for people to need a little extra help during these times and I often have people tell me they wish they came sooner than they did.